Oppression and power show up in many different ways within our culture. Attitudes, behaviors, and norms play a role in upholding power imbalances, contributing to sexual violence and rape culture. In the What do you mean? series, we explore the use and power of language and offers suggestions on how to communicate mindfully.
Youve probably read thenewsarticlesand tweets detailing the experiences of many women who were abused, harassed, and sexually assaulted by the elite Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein, as well as seemingly daily updates and revelations about other powerful leaders and figures.
And maybe youve taken a look at or accidentally read comments on these articles or on social media:
Why would she go into a hotel room? Didnt she know its a hotel room! or Thats awful, but she knew what she was doing she wanted to be famous or Im glad its coming out now, but why didnt they report it 20 years ago?!
We know questions like these arent unique to just this situation they seem to pop up whenever people report on / respond to sexual violence.
You may want to answer these questions, but arent sure how.How can we recognize where people are coming from, find common ground, and continue to raise awareness about sexual violence and how it affects people?
Why didnt they report the assault when it happened?
As we learn more and more aboutthe impact trauma hason our being and our brains, it deepens our understanding of why people dont report sexual violence but if someone doesnt know that, it may seem confusing or counterintuitive that survivors wouldnt report an assault immediately.
People who say this may be reacting out of anger. We all want justice and it can be frustrating when perpetrators continue to harm over a number of years. But we also know that blaming survivors for not reporting isnt helpful and can only deepen a survivors sense of not being believed.
SO IT MAY BE HELPFUL TO ADD
We all want survivors to pursue justice. For many, that means reporting to law enforcement but there can be so many barriers to survivors reporting. Some survivors may be afraid they wont be believed, or blame themselves for an assault, or maybe they told someone they trusted only to be discouraged from reporting. If we cast blame on survivors for not reporting, we miss the point. By believing survivors when they report (the first time!), we can work towards a culture where every survivor is supported and will feel comfortable coming forward if they so choose. But we cant lose sight that the only person to blame is the person who chose to hurt another person.
Why didnt they fight harder? Why didnt they run away?
When traumatic events happen, folks may forget that theres a third reaction in the fight or flight bodily response: freeze.The brain senses dangerand releases a huge wave of different hormones, which help the body cope with whats happening in the moment. Sometimes this can look like a freeze reaction the body can stiffen or go limp. Many survivors dont intentionally choose their reaction (i.e., to stay or not fight back), but simply become frozen in the moment. They may not even understand why they didnt react physically in the moment.
When trying to make sense of a scary or upsetting situation, people often project onto others how they think they would act when confronted with violence. Its a defense mechanism; I could never be hurt in this way, because I would do x, y, or z. But really, no one can know how their brain and body will react.
SO IT MAY BE HELPFUL TO ADD
Survivors dont choose how they react to violence. Our brains tell our bodies what to do to literally survive an experience and that can look confusing from an outside perspective. So it makes sense that a persons body can be completely frozen out of fear. This can also add to the self-blame a survivor may feel after the assault because they may not recognize or understand their brains reaction either! Reminding others, and survivors, that its NOT their fault and they reacted in a way to keep themselves safe can help create a more supportive culture for survivors.
Well, they seem fine now. Why bring it back up?
People can have a hard time going against the status quo. We all have difficult things that happen to us in our lives. For some folks, it is unimaginable that someone would want to revisit painful experiences years later.
But we know the culture of openness around sexual violence is changing and, we hope, improving! Folks who have been hurt earlier in their lives may finally feel comfortable in todays climate to come forward. We also know it can be easier for survivors to talk about what happened to them when they see others come forward with their stories too.
SO IT MAY BE HELPFUL TO ADD
There are a lot of reasons survivors could be afraid to come forward immediately after their experience from a fear of not being believed, to safety concerns, to being afraid theyre overreacting, or not recognizing the experience as harmful until much later. It can take a lot of time for a survivor to come to terms with what happened and their trauma. We still have a lot of work to do, but the climate today is different than it was ten, five, or even one year ago. Other survivors coming forward may make someone finally feel supported and safe enough to say, #MeToo.
Language is powerful. If we all work together to reframe how we respond to survivors who choose to share their experiences, we can contribute to and help build a safer, more supportive environment to ensure for all of us.
