This is the second post in a three-part series focused on ways parents* can serve as powerful allies in efforts to address and prevent child sexual abuse. This post will offer resources and language for supporting healthy childhood development and parent-child communication. Read the first posthere.
Our last post offered information about child sexual abuse, trauma, and people who sexually abuse children. Those statistics and stories may feel scary or overwhelming (or both), but as adults and parents we have a responsibility to stay strong and calm for the children in our lives. This helps them feel respected, seen, and safe as they venture out into the world.
Creating safer spaces for children and teens means changing our behavior and possibly venturing outside our comfort zone.
- Move beyond Stranger Danger or No-Go-Tell approaches to personal safety. These skills are important, but only a piece of a much larger puzzle. The other piece isadultsholding other adults accountable for questionable or inappropriate behavior.
Coach insists on driving my child home from each and every practice. It really helps me with scheduling, but why do they want to be alone with an 11-year old? How does my child feel about these rides and attention?
Uncle Jim always demands a hug and a kiss on the lips, even when the kids dont feel like it. How does this make my child feel? What message does this send?
This will take practice and time to trust your gut instinct, but it is worth the time and effort. You never know the potential for change you can create unless you try.
- Be comfortable with being a little uncomfortable. Having the talk can be challenging for parents and kids alike, but information about sexual development (including accurate names for body parts) can help empower kids and support them in asserting their physical boundaries. Find ways to talk abouthealthy sexualitythat still emphasize your familys values, but also equipchildrenandteenswith information to make them feel in control of their own bodies.
- Begin by believing. There may be a time when a child chooses to tell you about abuse theyre experiencing or have experienced. This can bring up lots of emotions, particularly if we, ourselves, have a history of abuse. The first thing to do isbreathe. No matter how angry or sad or scared you may feel, a calm adult conveys strength and protection to the child. Many times children are not believed when they talk about abuse, so its important to tell them you believe them and want to keep them safe.
Breath
Im sorry about this you dont deserve to be treated that way and this isnt your fault. I believe you and Im going to help you.
Breath
Dont make any promises you cant keep, but reassure the child you want them safe and will do what you can to keep them safe.
Please rememberNew Jersey requires everyone who suspects or knows about child abuse to report it tothe State Central Registryat 1-877 NJ ABUSE (1-877-652-2873). A hotline operator will take your report and provide information on next steps and resources.
Stay tuned for the final post in this series when we will share some tips and resources for community leaders, parents, and educators in shaping policies and practices that impact the safety of children and teens.
*We use parents throughout this and future posts to describe caring adults who serve as a childs primary caregiver. The relationship can be biological, legal, social, or emotional. NJCASA recognizes and celebrates the many ways people define family and their role within a family.