In this three-part series we will explore the impossible standards we hold survivors to, what happens when a survivor doesnt fit our expectations, and what happens when powerful institutions fail to respond to abuse committed within their institution.
We are in a time of reckoning against powerful people, largely men, who choose to inflict harm and violence on the women* in their lives. We are finally recognizing that the cultural norms that have long allowed sexual violence to exist are unacceptable. Yet, we continue to doubt and even disparage the victims and survivors who come forward.
Repeatedly, we see individuals sharing experiences of violence committed by powerful men. The survivor may be living at the epicenter of power and privilege, or may be living at the margins and are further disbelieved because of their race, social class, profession, gender presentation, or other factors. The common element is victimization from powerful men and further traumatization by a society that refuses to believe their accounts, and it has to stop.
Female survivors of sexual violence have an impossible standard to meet if they are to be believed. We demand they be perfect and flawless women. Women who come from respectable families, have the right kind of education and employment, who were wearing the right clothes, and have the right friends. We demand these women have never consumed alcohol, and especially not illegal drugs. We demand virginal purity, disbelieving that sexually active women, and sex workers in particular, can be victims of rape. We expect her to fall into every socially ascribed role of femininity, to include being born female and presenting as appropriately female. If a survivor meets all these standards, then we also expect the person who assaulted her to be a person of lower social status rank than her. He cant be successful, powerful, wealthy, attractive, white, Christian, or a citizen. If someone vouches for his acts of kindness, then the survivors account is doubted. If all those standards are met, then maybe well believe her if she has the physical injuries, sobriety, and evidence to prove her case, which she reported to law enforcement in an appropriate amount of time.
WHETHER THE ACCUSER IS ONE WOMAN WHO CANT BE BELIEVED BECAUSE SHES JUST ONE PERSON, OR DOZENS OF WOMEN WHO CANT BE BELIEVED BECAUSE THEYRE OUT TO GET HIM, THIS RESPONSE SPEAKS OF AN EVEN BIGGER PROBLEM PLAGUING OUR COUNTRY. IT SPEAKS OF THE WAYS IN WHICH SOCIETY INHERENTLY DOESNT TRUST WOMEN.
We are quick to give the benefit of the doubt to people who commit sexual violence, blaming their age (if theyre older, we believe they didnt realize they were being inappropriate because they grew up in a different time; if theyre younger, they didnt know any better), alcohol consumption, or mixed signals. Yet, we dont extend that same benefit to the women whose lives have been completely upended by someone elses choice to commit violence. The reality is that false allegations of sexual violence are statistically rare (between 2 7% of allegations are false). A far more likely scenario is victims and survivors choosing to stay silent as they weigh out the risks of reporting.
Our collective disbelief of women doesnt exist only with sexual violence allegations. We doubt women in every facet of their lives. Research has consistently shown doctors dont believe women seeking medical help about their level of pain. We question the gender pay gap despite widespread evidence of its existence. Stay-at-home mothers are seen as a drain on society because we dont value the domestic labor of raising a family. We judge women as incompetent drivers, incapable of manual labor, overly emotional, and a distraction in warzones in which they contribute nothing but a risk of rape allegations.
TO END SEXUAL VIOLENCE AND RAPE CULTURE, WE HAVE TO START BELIEVING AND VALUING WOMEN.THE REALITY IS THAT PUBLICLY DISCLOSING A DECADES-OLD SEXUAL ASSAULT DOESNT BENEFIT SURVIVORS IN THE WAYS SOCIETY SEEM TO THINK IT DOES. ITS NOT ABOUT PERSONAL GAIN, FAME, OR POLITICAL AGENDAS. ITS ABOUT THE VERY REAL DANGER OF HAVING PERPETRATORS OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE CONSISTENTLY APPOINTED TO ROLES OF HIGH POWER AND INFLUENCE, IN A CLIMATE IN WHICH VIOLENT MEN ARE TOO EASILY EXCUSED BY THE BROADER SOCIETY.
Women or female survivors is the term used for any female-identified survivors of sexual violence, which includes trans women and non-binary individuals who identify as such. This definition was adapted from here.
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